Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Night weaning

Being pregnant and nursing has not been so bad- it's the mother-led weaning that is the hard part to deal with.  I don't really mean to wean her but sometimes I turn to my husband and shake my head, "Too much nursey, nursey."

It all started right after I got pregnant.  My daughter was snacking on solids every day and was quite behind where most children her age are because we were committed to baby-led weaning.  Knowing that my supply could diminish soon I started pushing solids on her in an effort to get her to eat versus taste.  We still nursed on demand during the day.

At night she started nursing all night long.  Sometimes she would be attached for hours.  Not a big deal since I was worried about my supply.  I figured she ought to nurse as much as possible during the night to keep my supply up.  Then I started to get sore.

I was sore all day long but side-lying was worst, which is how I nurse her at night.  It's easy- nobody goes anywhere, I'd just "pop a boob" and fall back to sleep.  I wasn't able to sleep while she was nursing so every time she woke up I would have to put myself back to sleep after I could break her latch.  I was getting enough sleep since my husband takes her for an hour each morning but I was incredibly irritable every time she woke up, which was quite often, close to six times a night.

I had my husband read Dr. Sears's section on night weaning and discussed our plan for him to take her a few times a night to cut back on her need for nursings, not every time she cried as outlined by Dr. Sears because I didn't want to completely night wean her I just wanted her back down to two to three nursings a night.  My husband was so used to ignoring the baby when she cried it never happened that weekend.  I brought it up again the next weekend.  It was easier for me to put up with the pain and irritation than to wake him up!  Two weekends ago we had a crazy weekend.  Crazy like usual but it made us realize why she was really waking up so often.

At first I thought it was the increase of solid food during the day but she was still nursing on demand during the day so that was out.  Then I thought it was teething because she often has her finger in her mouth but no teeth are to be seen.  Two months is a long time to teethe with no teeth to be seen.  

I am a stay-at-home mom and my husband works late hours.  He takes our daughter for an hour in the morning but by the time he comes home from work she has been asleep anywhere from two to four hours.  That is why we felt strongly that co-sleeping was a great choice for us- to give our daughter the opportunity to be close to her father.  In fact, in the past few months she has really started reaching out for him at night- every time she finishes nursing she rolls over to make physical contact with her daddy.  If he's not home yet she rolls over and cuddles a pillow.  

Furthermore, since our daughter was an infant she has been foregoing naps and staying up late on the weekends when her father is home.  I mentioned the observation to my mom but she chalked it up to coincidence- no way a baby could be that perceptive.  Quite the opposite.  

When I originally mentioned the night weaning plan to my husband I sold it as making nights easier on mommy and preparing him (and the baby) for what the night-time strategy might sometimes look like after the new baby comes.  I intend to tandem nurse but I don't want to be nursing a dozen times a night!  

After last weekend I saw that our daughter really wanted to be close to her daddy.  They have a special relationship and now that she is older she doesn't need Mama all the time anymore.  The opposite is true- she can have Mama whenever she wants but Daddy is a special treat!  I explained this to my husband, how much she seemed to desire to be close to him when he is home and he noticed how attached she is to him on the weekends.  He has been taking the baby occasionally if she still fussed after nursing for what I feel is enough time to be soothed back to sleep, but he was holding her instead of using the sling like I suggested.  He was slow to wake up. He was aware of his duty but he didn't seem too thrilled with his new role of nighttime parent.  After he noticed the love she has for him- the extra squeezes when he hugs her, the way she motions to him be picked up, the way she smiles and waves to him WHILE she's nursing- he was ready to take on the job more regularly.  

Three nights ago he went to soothe the baby back to sleep while we were staying up late and he put her (almost) in the sling.  All was quiet for a while and I found them passed out in the rocking chair.  Last night she was fussy and he said he wanted to put her in the sling if I could help.  I watched as he did it himself, then took the baby outside and walked her around the carport since it was raining.  With my help to remove the sling, he then gently put her in the bed without waking her up.  All of this by himself!  I was very encouraging- I told him that in one or two weeks he would have "the touch" and be able to put her to sleep any time just like mommy does.  

He had been walking around with the baby at night and falling asleep holding her on the couch but last night since I couldn't go back to sleep I left them alone.  I nursed her only three times last night and although I heard two little whimpers- I'm sure she rolled over and touched her daddy and went back to sleep.  It's easier without the temptation of a boob!  I will either keep sleeping in a separate room or we will move the bed so that she can sleep between him and the wall.

I'm sure to some people this problem is foreign but I'm sure it's not so uncommon with breastfeeding, co-sleeping parents.  If a baby is bottle-fed, he/she can probably be soothed by practically anyone with food but such is not our case.  I am very proud of my husband for stepping up and I am excited that he will have mastered this skill of soothing our older child once our new baby comes and I will be interested to see how it translates into infant care skills, too!

Nightmare

I was awoken by a nightmare tonight for the second time this pregnancy, both after having taken acetaminophen. This time I took two because the first didn't help. When you've got one child and nobody to call when you're sick you've really got to nip it in the bud, especially when your headaches can be incapacitating. I always like to blog when I wake up in the middle of the night and I have a few blogs that I haven't published because those topics are tough to keep short and sweet. This post is about one very close to my heart and while enough can never be said on this topic it is something that I see pretty black and white.



Americans are awakening from discontented apathy. People have a reason to be angry, in fact our founding fathers fully expected that we would rise up against of government from time to time, armed if necessary.

"God forbid we should ever be twenty years without such a rebellion. The people cannot be all, and always, well informed. The part which is wrong will be discontented, in proportion to the importance of the facts they misconceive. If they remain quiet under such misconceptions, it is lethargy, the forerunner of death to the public liberty . . . And what country can preserve its liberties, if its rulers are not warned from time to time, that this people preserve the spirit of resistance? Let them take arms. The remedy is to set them right as to the facts, pardon and pacify them. What signify a few lives lost in a century or two? The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure." -Thomas Jefferson

And this extremely appropriate one:

"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote." -Benjamin Franklin

I hope our MLK, our Gandhi will stand up soon to remind people of passive resistance. Not only have humans been on this earth long enough to be able to solve problems without violence there is another important reason the federal government must not be completely overthrown- I don't think the outlook for survival looks good if it were to collapse. Besides the people who are sustained directly by federal aid, the federal government has a hand in everything we depend on.

Some people are looking to their federal government for more, pointing to programs in Europe as examples and demanding we follow suit. My message is that nothing comes without string attached. I want to scream it at the top of my lungs, paint it on my forehead, tie a banner to my car, and paint the front of my house with it.

People like to say that the founding fathers are rolling over in their graves at the state of our country- even the Federalist ones. Fortunately their words are still here, if mostly forgotten. I wonder if it's not part of the socialist educational system's ploy that I didn't even hear about the concept of original intent until right before I graduated. Regardless, the Constitution is vague, but the fact that there are laws which contradict the Constitution should be a sign that we are not safe. Presidents must have to practice hard not to laugh when they take their oath of office:

"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."

If our presidents are going to break their oaths then they might as well change the oath. The Constitution can be ratified for God's sake but lawmakers don't even bother. It's offensive but it's a good subversive strategy- ratifying the Constitution would raise a red flag and people would come out of the woodwork to fight it even if they really didn't understand, which describes the majority of Americans.

My position has not been a popular one, mostly it is older folks who share my views. Some of my generation join me in distrusting the government but not many see the importance of the preservation of our natural rights. The backlash for my beliefs is often a hostile one- why don't I support universal healthcare? Why wouldn't I want to take care of the nation's poor? The younger people who share my views are often chastised as spoiled kids living off their parents. I may be in a more comfortable position now but I can tell you my devotion to this issue runs deep- I campaigned for Ron Paul in 2008 while homeless and squatting without heat or electricity in an apartment in winter. It's not something a lot of people know about me and I'm sure my parents would die to hear it.

"If you love wealth more than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, depart from us in peace. We ask not your counsel nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you. May your chains rest lightly upon you and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen." -Samuel Adams

Unlike Adams, my friends don't need to all think the way I do, but I hope to inspire thought. To those of you who want a system like in the European Union- think of the freedoms you risk losing, think of those we are immediately poised to lose. I am not prepared to lose the right to bear arms, the right to home school my child, and the other things our media is gearing us up to lose. We have lost quite enough!

To those who disagree: I am not opposed to government assistance. I am opposed to federal government assistance. Lobby your local government to tax and create programs for whatever you believe in because when it starts to stink you can change it! If you want to live in a socialist/communist society- go live in one! I'm not ashamed to admit that I've considered moving to a commune more than once in my life. Communal or semi-communal living is a great idea when you are directly involved in the government and can leave at any time. If we cannot agree I will still be your friend as long as we can agree not to shove our ideas down each other's throats.

To those who agree:

"The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government." -Patrick Henry

While Patrick Henry and many of our founding fathers advocated violence and it is our right and even, as Jefferson said, "Resistance to tyrants is obedience to God," let that be passive resistance. Let us revamp our government peacefully with higher ideals. Let our government and the business they are working for know that we will not be fooled. Let us peacefully protest, strike, boycott, and spread the word. Imagine the feeling of having accomplished the task that lies ahead of us, like walking outside after a storm and filling our lungs with the fresh air and feeling rejuvenated. Imagine knowing your children will grow up knowing more freedoms than you!