I looked at him in an apologetic way but with a smile. I think meeting the other person half way is a great way to have a healthy relationship and keep the peace, but this is something I have to put my foot down on. I know he's not comfortable with it, that's why I used a cover in the first place, but I haven't been doing it for months. I guess yesterday just happened to be the first time our daughter got hungry and I nursed her in public with him there in some place besides the car. A very comfortable place to nurse, I might add, when it's not cold and raining. I finally told him, "You'll get used to it. If I don't do this then nothing is ever going to change." I felt like telling him, "It could be worse!" I support the legalization and NOT the regulation of marijuana, for instance, but I don't think it's worth the risk to my family to smoke it or have it in my posession.
Before I got pregnant I thought for sure that I would use a cover when nursing in public. One time a fellow waitress called me over to look at a customer who was nursing her baby without a cover. I agreed with her that she should use a cover. That is one of those things I've done that I am ashamed of and I think back to it often. When my daughter came along I quickly found out what a huge hassle it was in so many ways. One of our friends gifted me a Bebe au Lait cover that opens at the top so that mom and baby can see each other but nobody else can. It's a great idea, but when I used it the area that was designed to let mommy see her breast and her baby was full of my breast. No baby + no nipple = no latch. My boyfriend would hold the cover out for me so that I could get a peek and latch my baby onto my breast. Besides not being able to see the baby there were other considerations. Often my baby would squirm and shift the cover so that you could see the side of my breast. I also had to find space for it in my diaper bag, already stuffed with the essentials: loads of burp cloths for my heavy spitter-upper, at least two bibs and a change of clothes, diapers and wipes, my water bottle so I should never go without hydration, and the camera and camcorder (yes, they are essential). I also needed to leave some space on top so I could shove my Moby Wrap in there if I wanted to take it off on one of those hot summer days. I delicately stuffed the nursing cover into a bag and tied that to the handle of my oversized bag. I went bump, bump, bump everywhere with the gorgeous designer bag I invested in digging into my shoulder.
I know other women have had bad experiences nursing in public but I haven't. I don't dare say "yet" because I'm hopeful I won't but I haven't yet nursed my baby in public while walking around with her in the sling or wrap. That's a sight to see, my boob all crammed up in front of to her face. Unlike other women, I don't have the luxury of being able to hide my breast behind my baby's head. When my daughter nurses, she sticks her arms out and wraps them around my boob. I try to put myself in her shoes and imagine how she feels. I imagine it would be like drinking from a big old wooden cask.
The only place I won't nurse uncovered is my boyfriend's workplace where I used to be an employee but now I am occasionally a customer. Many of the employees there are excessively vulgar or, truth be told, just plain hateful. If I were to nurse uncovered there, it would not be a question of "if," I would definitely attract negative attention. I'd like to avoid having to deal with their disgusting behavior.
I know that some women pump milk before they go out. Some will not breastfeed in church when they are only seen by the eyes of God and His people! What could be more holy?
Jean Fouquet - Madonna and Child (ca. 1450)
I just love this paiting of Mother Mary being so immodest! Not too far off-topic is that more than one mom has had this photo deleted from her Facebook account.
I strongly believe in returning natural birth, breastfeeding, and peaceful parenting to the norm. I think if we can accomplish those things then within the coming generations a lot of the other issues I stand for will resolve themselves. People are not aware it is legal to breastfeed in public in every state in the US, though unfortunately it varies from state to state how effective those laws are. People have to be exposed to breastfeeding, and often, for it to become widely accepted. My mother nursed uncovered over 20 years ago in Los Anglees. My midwife called her a lactivist. I've never thought about myself like that, but being a lactivist is as simple as feeding your baby the normal way.
If you are a mom who nurses in public, you know that it is easy to feel tense, ready to defend yourself and your baby. Relax. You are doing the absolute best thing for your baby and for the world. I've found that most people try not to offend me by staring or looking shocked.
If you see a mom who is nursing in public, give her a big smile to let her know the whole world is not against her. Don't try to enforce your own standards of decency, modesty, propriety, whatever you want to call it. I love the saying, "If breastfeeding offends you, put a cover over your head."
If you are a Dad, encourage your baby's mother to feed her baby straight from the breast whenever they are together. Bottle-feeding, even when filled with breastmilk, does not offer all of the benefits of feeding straight from the breast. How convenient it is to have sterile, hot milk whenever it's available! Both of you will become more comfortable with it. Most of your fears are unfounded.
If you do have to defend yourself or a mother against ignorance, you need not do anything special. Ignore them. Or better yet, ignore them with a smile. Lactivists are extremely passionate and that sometimes translates to agression or hostility for others. Prove them wrong. However, if you are asked to leave a business or a public place, you should inform them that you are perfectly within your rights and that they may face legal repurcussions for their actions. If you are still asked to leave, you may contact FirstRight, the National Alliance for Breastfeeding Advocacy or your local La Leche League group.
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